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Joke 1: The Smart StudentTeacher: "Johnny, why are you always late for class?...

Joke 1: The Smart StudentTeacher: "Johnny, why are you always late for class?"Johnny: "Well, whenever I'm on time, it's because my brother is driving me, but he's always late. And whenever I'm late, it's because I'm driving myself, but I'm never late!"Joke 2: The Confused TouristA tourist in a small town stops a local and asks, "How do I get to the historical museum?"The local replies, "You're standing in it."Joke 3: The Doctor's AdvicePatient: "Doctor, I've been feeling really tired lately."Doctor: "Well, have you been sleeping well?"Patient: "Yes, I sleep like a baby."Doctor: "That's great! What do you mean by that?"Patient: "I wake up every two hours and cry."Joke 4: The Mysterious NoteA man finds a note on his car that says, "Park like a girl!"He's offended, so he writes back, "Drive like a man!"The next day, he finds a dent in his car and a note that says, "Kiss my ass!"Joke 5: The Optimistic GolferA golfer hits his ball into a lake. He starts to search for it, but can't find it.After a while, he says to his playing partner, "You know, it's actually a good thing this happened."His partner asks, "How is it a good thing?"The golfer replies, "Well, now I can practice my putting!"